NKOTBSBNBN – This makes the ‘Kids’ and ‘Boys’ a little less obvious

13 Jun

So we went to the NKOTBSB concert at Fenway on Saturday. It was epic. There was dancing. I lost my virginity.

Okay, that last one was a lie. But, I did get hit in the head no less than four times by the drunkard behind me, who was wearing an Ann Taylor sweater set and pearls at a concert, during Hangin’ Tough. Her wasted-face friend, who was wearing eleven hundred glow-in-the-dark necklaces, then fell on my poor cousin who was just getting out for the first time after having a baby. All in the name of sacrifice.

We witnessed several cat fights between North Shore girls. I only know their origin because I heard one girl yell out “F*ck you, Lynnfield hoes!”  as she rifled a beer at another girl wearing a tube top. Those Backstreet Boys fans are scrappy.

I used the men’s room. At Fenway Park. Shudder.

It poured rain as we watched the New Kids-slash-Middle Aged Men run around the bases like a bunch of crazed lunatics during Tonight. Much like strip clubs wooing men into thinking that the dancers actually like them, we were moths to a flame as the old men serenaded each and every one of us.

The playlist was perfect. However, I got irrationally angry when they sang a medley of the New Kids’ Single and Back Street Boys’ The One under Coldplay’s Viva la Vida. Um, we get it. You used to rule the world. But, I just wanted to hear Single.

Naughty by Nature randomly wandered onto the stage at one point to sing Hip Hop Hooray. It was bitchin. The lead singer has unusually short arms.

A few things to point out about and to the New Kids (I will not mention the Back Street Boys. Don’t be ridiculous. By the time they were big, I was into far more profound bands like Creed and Matchbox Twenty). And I will use bullets. Because it makes me feel proper and organized:

  • They were borderline amazing. Much like the B-52s, the NKOTB are better than they were in 1988.
  • Donnie may or may not have several STDs. I still want to live in his obliques.
  • Danny, your tattoos do detract from the fact that you can’t sing. Bravo.
  • Jon, you may want to try to at least pretend that you want to be there?
  • Jordan, I never liked you. I still don’t. You or your overalls.
  • Joey, you’re my new favorite, but you’re a grown ass man. Going forward, I shall call you Joe.

Hey Jon, remember when you started dating Tiffany and I cried into my pillow for a week straight? That was awesome.

Nothing like bringing your youth crashing back one ridiculous lyric at a time. <Searches through kaboodle for oversized pin…..>

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2 Responses to “NKOTBSBNBN – This makes the ‘Kids’ and ‘Boys’ a little less obvious”

  1. Alison June 16, 2011 at 3:13 am #

    You guys are friggin hilarious! Your descriptions are spot-on, I feel like I was there. Keep it up- love this blog!

    • Beelzebub June 24, 2013 at 4:50 pm #

      OMG that pic of Jon & Tiffany is too funny. I love the interview she gave after outting him where she admits that they used to do facials together.

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