This is a post about Meat Loaf and Christenings. Obviously.

28 Jun

I hate hot churches almost as much as I hate that song by Meatloaf. You know the one. It’s played at every wedding, is about date rape and for some reason every one loves it. <Irrational anger bubbling at the thought of it.>

P.S. Google Meat Loaf. Hours of entertainment and self loathing for sucking more than a fat guy who calls himself Meat Loaf.

Wah. I'm crazy and can't sing anymore. Wah.







So this weekend when we had baby boy Christened, a mere seventeen months after he was born, I decided to dress him and my whole family in coordinating sailor/seersucker/Awkward Family Photo worthy outfits. My husband was psyched.

The church was approximately one hundred and ten degrees and memories of attending several summer weddings after pounding champagne the evening before at the respective rehearsal dinner came wafting back to me. Except I hadn’t had any champs the prior evening and I wasn’t at a wedding. Nope.

Rather, we were surrounded by several hundred, hot screaming angry babies dressed in appropriate, pretty outfits like this:

What babies are supposed to wear to a Christening. Seemingly.








While my man-child was dressed like this:

No, seriously. I'm only three months old.







Everyone was confused. And I can’t say that I blamed them as I:

a.) waited fourteen months longer than typical to have baby boy christened. Sorry, when he was the traditional three months old, I was doing more important things like crying in the bathtub because I was exhausted, learning how to subsist on three types of food and trying to remember to wear a shirt when I went out to get the mail.

b.) almost dropped Gigantor Baby into the baptism pool in said seersucker suit. While my frizzy hair hung in my face and made me super hot and look like Janice from the Muppets in all of the pictures.

c.) And finally, managed to get scolded by the priest for missing the Catechesis. Neat. At that point I was purple, my baby hated me for letting some guy, dressed in black, rub things on his head while dangling him over a tub ala MJ (Rest In Peace, Man in the Mirror.)

Of course my husband hid behind me the whole time, melting in his wool suit and cursing the day I was born. No biggie. At least he washed his FUCKING black feet that morning.

<Let me sleep on it, I’ll give you an answer in the morning…> Shudder.


6 Responses to “This is a post about Meat Loaf and Christenings. Obviously.”

  1. K June 28, 2011 at 5:05 pm #

    New reader here – thanks for the laughs, particularly because before reading this I spent the morning searching online for seersucker outfits for my 11 month old to wear to be baptized in August (when he’ll be a year old). We have friends whose child was baptized at ~3 years, so I consider myself (and you) to be ahead of schedule. And I’m a vegetarian, so I dislike Meat Loaf on many levels.

    • Bitchin Sisters June 29, 2011 at 1:41 pm #

      Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy! And I grew up with my mother who is amazing on many levels but made a shitty meat loaf, so I concur.

  2. Charlene June 28, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

    I dislike Meatloaf too. But I like fans and AC. There were 5 fans and 4 AC units in that church. All were off. Jesus would not approve.

  3. Alison June 29, 2011 at 2:03 am #

    note to self… stop feeling guilty about not getting Z baptized! Sounds like you had a blast! 🙂 I’m sure the pics ARE super cute though…

    • Bitchin Sisters June 29, 2011 at 1:42 pm #

      No need to feel guilty. That’s what they want. Shh, they can hear us right now.

  4. Anke September 17, 2013 at 9:57 am #

    Wonderful, what a website it is! This webpage provides valuable information to us, keep it up.

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