More Reasons Why Our Youth are Screwed.

8 Jul

Dear Ke$ha, Katy Perry, Amber from Sixteen and Pregnant (and gross), Rihanna and Toddlers and Tiaras,

I’d like to ask you to kindly stop destroying our young. Aside from Cheez-its and Twinkies (Michelle Obama says so) you are quite possibly the worst influences. Ever.

On the way to work this morning, I heard that song. You know the one. Last Friday Night by Youth Crusher Extraordinaire, Katy Perry. As I am bopping along to the catchy tune thinking of all of the things I love about my innocent, unbesmirched kids in the back seat, I start to actually listen to the lyrics:

There’s a stranger in my bed,
There’s a pounding my head
Glitter all over the room
Pink flamingos in the pool
I smell like a minibar
DJ’s passed out in the yard
Barbie’s on the barbeque

There’s a hickie or a bruise
Pictures of last night
Ended up online
I’m screwed
Oh well
It’s a black top blur
But I’m pretty sure it ruled

Last Friday night
Yeah we danced on tabletops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot

Last Friday night
Yeah we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar
So we hit the boulevard

Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a menage a trois
Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we’re gonna stop-op
Whoa-oh-oah

Really Katy? A menage a trois? When did being a trashy whore become cool? I mean aside from the eighties?

Pretty sure this was my babysitter. But then again, we didn't even wear seatbelts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I hit the Scan button.

Up comes Rihanna’s bogus song about S&M. Um, didn’t you just finish a campaign against domestic violence?

Then of course Ke$ha. Super that her mom helps her write her songs. Cuz so does the devil.

I am going to steal your child's soul.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Speaking of the devil, who let these two procreate? Actually, the visual alone makes me want to lie in the shower in the fetal position for like a week.

Give me back my damn Twinkie!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And why do people watch them screw up their child on television?

But the winner. The child destroying Master of the Unviverse has to go to these freaks. Toddler and Tiaras. Shudder.

Dear Michelle Obama, worry not about childhood obesity. Worry more about sterilizing and then euthanizing the parents of these poor girls. Cuz if you don’t, I will. Right after I slay the Nigerian Oil Lords.

Thanks to my creepy mom, I don't have a chance in hell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Turning Kiss 108 off and Lauirie Berkner on,

Angry and confused

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4 Responses to “More Reasons Why Our Youth are Screwed.”

  1. Janelle Hieronymus July 8, 2011 at 3:41 pm #

    LOVE Laurie Berkner! Ziggy Marley’s family album is pretty good too.

  2. Catherine July 16, 2011 at 9:00 pm #

    Very funny. I agree that all of those things are ruining our youth… especially Katy Perry. I think she already ruined my daughter, and I don’t even have kids.

    • Bitchin Sisters July 21, 2011 at 7:02 pm #

      Thanks. You may as well just sign her up for therapy now. And Montessori.

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