Things (mostly People) I Hate More than Outhouses

12 Jul

I have an idea. Let's call it a Bouse House. It rhymes and people will find it more appealing.

On a recent trip to the beach, I was forced to use an outhouse. For the thirty seconds that I was in there, eyes closed and attempting to think of anything but where I actually was, I tried to think of things that I hate more than an outhouse. The list included random, pervasive thoughts such as the following:

1.) Hitler. No brainer.

2.) The word panties. Only perverts call those this. Ew.

3.) Casey Anthony. She’s writing a book on Motherhood. I am seriously moving to Mars.

4.) Freeloaders and opportunists. And generally anyone who will do anything to gain something. Seems obvious, I know.

5.) Kelly Ripa. Grrr.

Hey Reeeege. Guess what's in my coffee cup. A shitload of Ephedrine and NOT FOOD.

6.) The time when I was twelve and got up on stage at summer camp and did the Electric Slide for like seven straight minutes to a remix of Marky Mark’s “Good Vibrations” until the counselor finally pulled the plug. I didn’t even get to do my dramatic ending.

7.)  Not Javier Bardem. Seriously.

I quite enjoy when you do the Electric Slide over and over again for seven straight minutes. Te amo.

8.) The expression “it is what it is.” Really, Alice in Wonderland? What the HELL does that mean? I’m Irish and basically only speak in platitudes and clichés. Even we don’t know what that means. Please stop saying it. 

9.) Passive aggressiveness. Snort.

10.) The expression “that’s just the way I am.” Nope. The way that you say that you are is a.) The way that you wish you were b.) The way that you want people to think that you are; and/or/more than likely c.) The way that you AREN’T. If you want to know the way that you are, ask someone else. Now I sound like Alice in Wonderland.

Oh well. It is what it is.

How I feel when people say that.

I’d say outhouses aren’t so bad after all.

Glass is half full,

Queen of Hearts

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5 Responses to “Things (mostly People) I Hate More than Outhouses”

  1. Hula July 12, 2011 at 9:20 pm #

    People who say “I work hard but play hard”. Really, bozo? Are you justifying your lack of a work / life balance? Trying to impress me with your aggressiveness? Making up for the fact that you’re just an underling that does every bidding of your boss in your dead end job?

    Most times they 1) don’t do either or 2) “play hard” means something douchy like getting table service at a club

    • Bitchin' July 13, 2011 at 12:41 pm #

      Love me some Hula. I smacked like ten guys with bluetooths in their ears on the way home from work. Just for you. “HOW’S THAT FOR PLAYIN’ HAAHD?!”

  2. cjacobs22 October 26, 2011 at 6:02 am #

    I absolutely hate that saying, “It is what it is.” Every time I see that plaque hanging on someone’s wall, I want to yank it down and break it, then walk away saying, “It is what it is.” What a useless saying.

  3. Toni Lovergood June 5, 2012 at 1:11 am #

    Oh my goodness! a tremendous article dude. Thanks However I’m experiencing problem with ur rss . Don’t know why Unable to subscribe to it. Is there anybody getting similar rss problem? Anyone who knows kindly respond. Thnkx

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