This Week in Sports

20 Jul

Soccer is for hot chicks. With extra lungs and muscles.

My girl crush of the week is Abby Wambach. Partly because if you squint, she looks like a skinny version of my husband and partly because she makes me want to workout. Alot. And play soccer. And hit things with my head. She laughs when she shanks a ball in front of um, the world and is pretty much the nicest person ever. I’m basically following two people on Twitter. Abby Wambach and Nick Nolte.

Wipe that smile off of your face. We still won World War II.

Side note: Do the Japanese send their young girls off to soccer camp and tell them to not return without an adam’s apple?

Drunk people can win at the British Open too.

You know my love for the Irish runs as deep as the river Nile. Go ahead. Say something like Irish people drink too much and never get tan. And then I’ll stab you in the face with your Italian horn and the knife that I have fashioned out of a potato.

This guy is awesome. His name is Darren Clarke and he is never sleeping again. Or playing golf by the way things are going.

Dear Celebrities, please stop preying on us fat chicks.

I was up super early this morning doing Abby Wambach’s workout (watching Real Housewives of Orange County) and came upon an infomercial. Tracy Anderson’s Metamorphosis. For just three easy payments of $29.99, you can jump around your living room like a jack ass.

Um, Tracy? I think that’s called dancing. So I’ll go ahead and not spend ninety dollars to watch you dance.

That’s it for this week in sports. Stay tuned for next week’s Jai Alai update.

<Sharpens potato knife whilst doing walking lunges…>

Long live the Irish. And soccer.

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2 Responses to “This Week in Sports”

  1. Ludakristen July 21, 2011 at 7:20 pm #

    Abby Wambach is on my laminated list.

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