There’s no time for pictures. I’m packing for vacation.

2 Sep

I’m packing for our family vacation. I am not one of those people who complains about packing. Those people should have bamboo shoots stuck under their fingernails. Complaining about packing is like complaining about having to go all the way down to the lottery to pick up your winnings. You just shouldn’t do it.

I will, however, point out that my husband and I have very different versions of packing. Mine is organized and awesome. His, neither. Mine, efficient. His, not at all.

His version of helping me pack is to send random, inane lists in email format that could either be war code or the thought process of a schizophrenic:

1.) Diapers.

Really? Thanks so much for the reminder. Better add ‘children’ to the list. And ‘car.’

2.) Cooler.

Can you expound? Should we put anything in the cooler? Or are we just bringing an empty cooler?

3.) Razors.

For you or me?

4.) Cargo shorts.

Which pair? You have eighty.

Just in case you missed that…diapers, cooler, razors and cargo shorts was his actual list. Helpful.

Um, I think that will get us you about as far as Rhode Island? Do you mind if the kids and I come too?

I, evidently, plan on being extraordinarily active during my vacation. My wardrobe ranges from that of a lesbian soccer player (visualize several Just Do It t-shirts and velour track suits) to a professional surfer. I simply need a body glove. A bathing suit just won’t do (shows too much body).

My kids, however, will be J. Crew ‘Crew Cuts” models and like it. (Says through gritted teeth.)

Husband will be dressed in Arsenal t-shirts, ripped cargo pants and black Crocs. Those damn Crocs.

As I am sorting, folding and packing the laundry. For all of us. He yells up the stairs…

“Don’t forget my favorite Guinness t-shirt (a rag) and fishing rod (thirteen-foot long major safety hazard on our eighty-five hour drive).”

“I wouldn’t dream of it dear.”

<Places arsenic in suitcase whilst whistling.>

View IMG00436-...jpg in slide show     Shit show.


3 Responses to “There’s no time for pictures. I’m packing for vacation.”

  1. whatimeant2say September 2, 2011 at 11:44 pm #

    This is why I let my husband and daughter pack their own darn suitcases. However, that’s not a great idea either…

  2. Cath September 3, 2011 at 1:54 am #

    Very funny. We’re about to pack for a vacation, too. The only thing Andy’s going to bother to remember is our tickets to Pearl Jam.

  3. Here We Go September 22, 2011 at 10:14 pm #

    For a week away, my husband thinks that all he needs is two pairs of shorts, two clean shirts and socks.

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