Pinterest can bite me.

19 Sep

I have recently discovered Pinterest. I know I know, you invented Pinterest and I am so old and three months ago. Go choke on your latte.

Anyway, upon discovery of this amazingly easy, yet brilliant concept (a virtual pinboard? FUCK YEAH!), I became overwhelmed. It doesn’t take much. I immediately felt inadequate, talentless, boring and kind of unintelligent.

Why aren’t I making cute little owls out of my children’s sandwiches? Why can’t I make a headboard out of swim goggles and a spool of electrical wire? Why can’t I come up with crafty little poses for my children so I can take amazing photographs of them and then make an eight hundred page scrapbook? Why aren’t I better? And more importantly, how do I sign up?

There are a few categories of “You Suck” on Pinterest. A brief overview:

1.) The “I’m a way better mom than you and you probably feed your kids Cheez-Its (gasp)” pins.

I'll get right on this. Right after I stencil my staircase and oh, I don't know, never get anything done. Ever.

Really? I am proud of myself if my kids are clean, fed, happy and I am actually wearing pants.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.) The “I’m superfuckingcrafty and you’re not” pins.

I'm gonna go ahead and say this is dangerous. My pediatrician advises against putting newborns (anyone) on top of glass balls.

Thanks. I didn't feel like I sucked badly enough at home decorating. P.S. Rosemary called and wants her baby back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3.) The “You’re spiritually devoid” pins.

I'm totally sending my kids to this camp. I want them to learn how to do random, useless shit with their hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4.) The “You’re fat and always will be, but I’m not, so here’s a picture of my abs” pins.

I hope your nipples fall off.

I am sure this one simple move got these abs. Or never eating and mass amounts of cocaine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5.) The “I am super trendy and have a keen eye for fashion” pins.

Speechless..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Pinterest, Please stop being a douche and making us all feel terribly inadequate. Angelina Jolie Kelly Ripa does that all on her own.

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7 Responses to “Pinterest can bite me.”

  1. Erin September 19, 2011 at 5:43 pm #

    I’m such a bad mom that I’ve never even heard of Pinterest. Oh wait, I think that’s DCF at the door…….

  2. The City Slacker September 19, 2011 at 7:46 pm #

    It’s like The Real Stepford Housewives. Very creepy!

    P.S. That Angelina is a beeyatch isn’t she?

  3. k8edid September 24, 2011 at 4:52 pm #

    Hi, there. I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award.

    Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is outlined on my blog. I love your stuff, and hopefully my friends will, too.

    http://k8edid.wordpress.com/2011/09/24/3-2-1-blastoff-awards-interviews-and-stuff/

    • Bitchin Sisters September 27, 2011 at 6:58 pm #

      Yeah! Thanks so much. I’ll link you back. N’ stuff.

  4. Nicole Maniez February 22, 2012 at 3:06 am #

    you’re funny. thanks for sharing.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. It’s Christmas, Bitches. « Bitchin Sisters - December 5, 2011

    […] mantle you ask? Not one square inch of empty space. My nemesis, Pinterest, told me to use multiple textures. So I did. There’s disco balls hanging from holly, hanging […]

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