Republicans, Beyonce and Baby Daddies…

25 Oct

I grew up in a 80’s era Republican household. My parents were small business owners who believed in Reagan’s vision. It was a different time. It was all about living the American Dream. They weren’t racist, overly religious or crazy. You could be a Republican that was socially liberal back then. Unbelievable, I know. I will definitely say I was fortunate to learn some great things growing up Republican, most importantly how to:

  • Use really big words
  • Build and run a business
  • Balance a checkbook (when I get to it)
  • Pay Taxes
  • Walk away from any debate knowing without a doubt that I won

For years, I held fast following in my traditional path truly thinking I was supporting the best choices for our country. I have begun to notice, as have many of us, that the current Republican Party is a little different (cough, cough). Which lead me to a very studious collection of observations spanning the past ten years of my life that have poked a few holes in my beliefs, and here they are (not in chronological order)… Oh and by the way, I am going to swear quite a bit, support gays and make fun of Conservatives. So if your name is Rush Limbaugh, stop reading, this debate is already won. Thank you.

1. I met my husband

My husband is rock and roll and cool as shit. He doesn’t care about politics, and when I say “doesn’t care”, I am talking Honey Badger style doesn’t give a fuck. He votes for the least likely candidate to win just because he can. Ron Paul? Looks good to him. He might even fill in his name and vote for himself. Needless to say, my most admirable attempts to sway him with my verbose arguments have fallen on deaf ears for the last ten years. Sigh. 

I just ate a politician with my cereal.









2. I watched this happen

Anyone who felt that this was wrong or that this man and woman didn’t belong anywhere in the world except in the White House is out of their mind. It was so right. I cried like a baby. And you go Beyonce. You go girl. Such a strong woman.

Naturally, this led me to examine my ethnicity. Didn’t I have in my family some great great grandmother who was Native American? I puffed out my chest and walked along as a proud ethnic woman who just like Michelle and Barack were able to overcome great odds and discrimination and became leaders (yes plural-you really think it’s a one person job?) of the free world. But before I started to check off American Indian/Alaskan Native on demographical surveys, I got real.

Because this is really me (minus the musical talent and prom dress).


3. Michelle Bachman arrived on the scene

Seriously, I should back that up and say it really started with Sarah Palin. Sadly, it IS a requirement of a VP to have a working knowledge of the lower 48. But, I could almost deal with her, because she did have some redeeming qualities (aka, her son Tripp). And she wasn’t running for president.

I believe everything in the Bible (that my husband wrote).



Well drop your socks and grab your cocks! Obviously a Hooters alum.

Then, along came Bachmann with her weird hair and runaway bride eyes. She scares the piss out of me. And I do my Keigel’s. It’s plain old creepy that she believes in “conversion therapy”. I have never and will ever think that there is anything wrong with being homosexual. If that’s what it means to be a Republican, I quit. Please tell them I will be busy planning my friend’s wedding to her fiancée who is also a GIRL.

4. I had a child out of wedlock

My husband and I had our oldest daughter before we were married. Shocking, I know.  I came to the abrupt realization that to the Conservative Republican Party, this is a one way ticket to eternal damnation. Wait, what? Yes, I heard right-No soup for me. All of a sudden I pretty much equaled a street-walker, and my now husband, a deadbeat. He obviously got the milk before he bought the cow, who would expect him to stick around? Maybe I might be able to work my way up to the pole, but probably wouldn’t aspire to be much more than that. I joke (not at all).

Which leads me to the subject of abstinence. Which to the party in question is the ONLY option I would have had. So here is my perspective, and by the way, I looooove a good abstinence debate. My only wish would be for every Ultra Conservative who believes in keeping it zipped-up to look me in the eye and tell me they never had sex before they were married. Won’t do it? Hey, it happens. I won’t rub it in your face like you would me. I get it. All I really wanted was a back rub, and instead I got to make milk and create a person. That experience taught me a whole lot more about doing the right thing than any right-wing pontificating.

Oh, and aren’t about 60% of you divorced? Right. Here’s an update. I never had to become a stripper. I never even had to work at Hooter’s. They even let me run a business and own a home. And of course, pay lots of taxes.

So that’s my story. As to which way to go in the next election? Ron Paul is looking pretty hot right now. My last thoughts I will leave you with is what someone said to me about why they could never vote Republican, “I am not sure that Democrats are right, but I sure as hell know what a lot of Republicans believe in is plain WRONG” Sometimes we choose by knowing what we don’t want.

And by the way, Beyonce, congrats on becoming a mom. Thanks for being smart, classy, and bold. We strong black, native american  sisters have to stick together.

And, good news, he totally put a ring on it.

Going to the Jonas Brothers for her first rock concert. Obviously a shitty and uninvolved parent. Probably because we had premarital sex.

A very happy medium

3 Responses to “Republicans, Beyonce and Baby Daddies…”

  1. Janelle Hieronymus October 25, 2011 at 5:32 pm #

    Ron Paul is very hot!!! Besides having an older man crush on him, I believe you would find much to like as he doesn’t fit the Republican image you present. Just a man who loves liberty, for *all*.

  2. PammyH October 25, 2011 at 6:10 pm #

    There are some things I borderline respect about Ron Paul, but I’m way too pro-choice to even consider someone who has ever pushed to overturn Roe v. Wade in any capacity (there’s a link to what I’m referring to on his website). Plus, just pushing every decision to the states doesn’t equal “less government” to me. And I happen to like some things the government provides. Like street lights. And teachers. But I digress…RP just creeps me out a little bit. I think he and Michelle Bachmann often have the same crazy face.

    Oh, god, picturing the crazy faces just set off a canon in my brain and now I’m picturing them having sex. To a Beyonce soundtrack. I have to go.

  3. NSC June 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm #

    I just have to say, being a repub, that you shouldn’t hold Michelle Bachmann as an example of all republicans, just like I don’t hold Pelosi as an example of all dems.
    There are still quite a few of us out there that are socially liberal (libertarians we call ourselves in secret) but fiscally conservative.
    That said, you rock your new politcal ideals, and goodups for knowing where you stand. Lots of people don’t. 🙂

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