My 33rd Birthday Wish List

1 Nov

World Peace

I bet you thought this was going to be all Versace and material things. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s only half that. 

With a few small caveats. See next photo of Occupy Boston camp.









I'm going to go ahead and say that if you want to change the world, you should get up before 10:00 am.








To Get Skinny  Self Control

Can we talk about Sensa? I don’t understand. You sprinkle this stuff on your food to make it taste and smell like shit. Um, what’s to stop me from not sprinkling it on my food? Or worse. Just eating through the pain? I can assure you if this stuff was on a Whopper, I’d power right through that shitty smell. Regardless, I want it for my birthday. Cuz life is too short to have food actually taste good.

Just shake some shit salt right on there. Then you'll be skinny.












For Everyone (Except Kim Kartrashian) to be Allowed to Marry










This Versace Coat

Being half hippie and half couture whore, I would totally do hippie things like compost whilst wearing this coat. It needs me and I need it. It’s only six thousand dollars.

I would totally make my own baby food if I had this coat.

To meet my son, Modou Mbaye
I have a son that lives in Senegal with his twenty-two brothers and sisters.  He’s not really my son, but I have been sponsoring him through the Christian Children’s Fund since he was a baby. He’s nine-and-a-half today. I’d like to meet him for my birthday. I picture our first meeting like that scene in The Color Purple when Celie meets her children. We’ll dance in a field of flowers and I’ll buy him tons of things like vaccinations, goats…his mom an IUD. We’ll have a special hand shake and he’ll call me his American Mom. Until then, I’ll just continue to send him clothes from H&M. I hope he likes them. Please consider sponsoring a child. A little goes a long way.
And then buy me something for being so charitable. See video clip of me and Modou.


A Cocktail










A Kindle

I’m going all Fahrenheit 451 up in here. I vowed to never turn my back on real books. I’d scoff at people on the train. “Yeah, that’ll last.” And then I remembered that I said the same thing about the internet and wristbands with a bunch of random shit written on them in various colors. Neither of which are going anywhere, anytime soon.  

So, I fear the time has come. I want a Kindle. What next? Will I start eating Soylent Green?


The only solution for fixing the economy.








If this really needs explaining click here.


Two Awesome Kids. And a husband who makes me double chocolate layer cake and lobster risotto for my birthday dinner.

Oh wait, I already have that.

My ones. And better than any Versace coat.

Happy muthercrucking birthday to me.

Peace on Earth. Or at least in Senegal,

Guy Montag


One Response to “My 33rd Birthday Wish List”

  1. Nina November 1, 2011 at 2:59 pm #

    Had me rolling as per usual!

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