Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Finale Redux

25 Jan

Aside from George Takei making a guest appearance as a wedding planner, this season was decent at best.

I'm here to plan your daughter's wedding. And to make shish kebabs out of Giggy.

Camille: Did I mention that Kelsey Grammar was my husband and then he left me? For no reason. Aside from me being a vapid, soulless robot, devoid of all human emotion.

I know I just outed you on national television, but it's been a super slow season for me. And now, I will flutter my eyes so that I look demure even though I'm a sociopath.

Adrienne: Oh wait until you see my new somebody else’s old shoe collection…

Repeat after me, I don't give a shit what you say. I eat money for breakfast. Bitches get stitches.

Lisa VanderRich: Mine…I mean Pandy’s wedding was brilliant…

Hurry up you choads. Or I'll be late for my wedding.

Just remember one thing...Mummy always loves you-slash-steals your thunder.

Taylor: Um, did I mention my husband hung himself?

This is my sad, happy and everything in between face.

Kyle: Shut up, Taylor. Anyway…thanks to everyone for being less of a douche than I was this season. And just for good measure I’m going to swing my horse-tail around again like it’s 1989. The last time I acted in a movie.

Kim, I just really want you to be happy. And by happy I mean to do everything that I say. And for no one to speak to my husband. Or I will disembowel you with my talons.

Brandi: (Brandi was unavailable for comment as she was too busy having a threesome with Mauricio and Ken upstairs). No big deal.

I was an absolute zero three months ago. Then I spent the past weekend with Gerard Butler. Now who's the assclown?

Kim: I don’t know about you girls….losing consciousness temporarily…but I’m going to miss doing lines of meth off of my boyfriend’s ass. Also, I think I’m pregnant.

I'm sorry...can you repeat the question? I lost power. In my brain.

Kim, are you ready to go to the party yet? I think we're late. Kim?

Dana: Nothing clever to say about the girl from Methuen. Except for um, how? And when she speaks I want to back a car over myself.

Twenty-five thousand dollars.

All in all it was a great season.

Beverly Hills dahling,

She She She…by Sheree

P.S. Can’t wait for RHOC. I hear Vicki Gunvalson’s a real treat this season.

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