Indecent Proposal

29 Jun

Once upon a time, years before Pinterest made us feel inadequate with its recipes for oreos stuffed in rice krispie treats baked in a pie and showed us pictures of kissing couples standing behind a sign reading “she said yes” written on a chalkboard with an English bulldog wearing a tag asking you to save the date, I received my fairytale proposal one fair June evening 8 years ago. And on the eve of our 7 year itch-aversary, it’s only fitting that I tell you all about it.

It was in Thomas Park in Southie. Significant in that on the night we had our first kiss a little more than four years earlier, he took me there and didn’t kiss me. But took me back there to ask me to be his wife.

 
 
 View from Thomas Park
 
 
 

It’s a monument to evacuation. And as much as a fan I am of digestive regularity, I’m not sure we need this AND Jamie Lee Curtis in the world.

 
 
We had auspicious beginnings my groom and me. I met him when I knocked on his door after moving into my first big girl apartment. I was trying to hang my diploma using a platform shoe and a screw. An endeavor I quickly abandoned when I remembered that the man upstairs appeared to work in construction (and although Jesus may have been the son of a carpenter, I’m not talking about our Lord and Savior, I’m talking about the male individual who physically lived upstairs — but how cool if Jesus hung my diploma?) from my astute observations of him entering and exiting the building in fluorescent orange shirts, work boots, and a tool belt. There are no flies on me.

When I entered his apartment he was sitting all Maxell chair guy except instead of a giant speaker, he was in front of the Red Sox on a Sony.

    

Instead of a martini, he had the dubious distinction of being hooked up to an i.v. And I don’t think he was wearing a tie, but there was definitely a lamp. And a ficus. How chivalrous of him to offer to help me even in his condition which had been downgraded from weird random neck infection to raging cabin fever. And off we traipsed down to my apartment, but not before wiping up the i.v. fluid that sprayed all over the room Willy Water Bug (Wham-o!) style from the tube he forgot to clamp before unhitching himself.

  

I was 24 and lived alone. Why would it seem at all like a bad idea to invite a strange man taking intravenous drugs to bring a hammer into my apartment?

A few weeks later after getting to know each other over dinners watching the Sopranos, we took a walk to the park. The view was perfect. Stars, moon, city…… And I waited for that kiss. And waited. And waited. And then it was time to walk back home. Where I said, enough is enough, and laid one on him. I’m demure like that.

Fast forward 3+ years, and there we were again. The view, the night, the twinkling Boston. He pulls me close and looks into my eyes and tells me that this is the place where he didn’t kiss me, but this is the place where he wants to ask me to be his wife.

*Swoon*

Then a car drives by, and the driver calls out……..

Get on your knees.

I’m thinking, how does this person know? The whole world must know that we are madly in love. Destined to be wed in holy matrimony. Blissful and devoted until the day we die.

Until SHE (she!!!) screams the second half of her sentence.

And stick it in your mouth.

Try and find THAT on Pinterest.

Thanks for reading!

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2 Responses to “Indecent Proposal”

  1. Amber June 29, 2012 at 8:08 pm #

    Oh my god that is funny.

  2. marj September 6, 2013 at 7:22 pm #

    LOL!

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