Sons of Anarchy

20 Sep

This show is addicting.

It took my husband two years to convince me to get this series on Netflix. I have never even been on a motorcycle. Why would I want to watch a show about a bunch of bikers? I finally caved. And then we watched like ten episodes in one night.

Sure, it’s unrealistic. Bigoted, misogynistic gun runners who “fix cars,” kill whomever they want and suffer zero consequences. If these guys existed in real life, we’d all hate them. But we don’t. We love them. And even though sometimes I wear pearls and a popped collar, I thoroughly enjoy this show. And so should you.

A brief overview:

I think it’s safe to assume that these guys smell like something between a urinal cake, chicken soup and an ashtray. But I still want to hang out with them.

Do you guys smell that?

I have never seen so many murders and other various crimes committed with so few repercussions.

Jax is all “Let me just throw on my hoodie and cut real quick and oh, can you pass me my glock? I gotta go set a few people on fire. And then we’ll go have Sunday dinner.”

I’m so pretty. You could slap a little rouge on me and call me Vanessa.

And the cops are all like “huh?”

Foiled again.If we could only actually witness them shooting someone in the face with 14 kilos of cocaine stuffed in their oversized pants…

And then Tara, the doctor, is like “Oh Jax, you’re so romantic. Let’s have a ton of babies. I may have taken the Hippocratic oath, but I love your reckless sense of adventure and total disregard for human life.”

But as a side note, I want to live in Jax’s beard.

Clay: This man hurts to look at.

You may recognize me from In the Name of the Rose.

And then Peg Bundy grew up and got smokin hot. But she likes to open mouth kiss her son and it makes me want to hide under a blanket. She also talks like a trucker. And only eats cigarettes.

I am the creepiest mom ever.

My favorite episode is called Opie’s hair.

In this episode, Opie’s bff shoots his wife in the back of the head. Whoops. No worries though. They hug it out. And then good ole’ Ope marries a porn star before his wife’s body is even cold. Surprisingly, he’s the most empathetic character on the show.

I am so nice. You can even shoot my wife.

And then somewhere around season 4, Opie turns into the caveman from an SNL skit.

Wah. I miss Donna.

Which brings me to Tig. He is my favorite character. He’s mildly sociopathic but the most loyal friend anyone could have. He makes me laugh.

I hate dolls. They creep me out.

Chibs: I have no idea what this guy is saying. Ever. No seriously, what are you saying?

Can you repeat that? This time, without the marbles in your mouth.

Bobby: I want nothing more than to wash his hair and put him on a treadmill. For like two years. I made the picture small so you can’t smell him from here.

Juice: Holy adorable. But only if you’re into guys with tatoos on their heads.

Otto: This poor slob rots in jail with NO EYES. You’d think Clay would do him a solid and smother him with his chin.

Please. Somebody end me.

I haven’t watched Season 5 yet. So please no spoilers.

<Polishes leather jacket.> Bitches love leather.


2 Responses to “Sons of Anarchy”

  1. Erin September 20, 2012 at 5:31 pm #

    Love. One of my fav BS yet! Clay burns my retinas.

  2. Brandy Robertson September 21, 2012 at 2:37 pm #

    I started watching SOA a couple of years ago and watched the first 3 seasons over the extent of a couple of weeks. I love Tig (S5 E1 made me sob a little). I also dream of having Juice all to myself. Tattoos; they’re my thing. I loved your character summary!

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