P!nk can fly. I’ve seen it.

2 Apr

My friend and I went to the P!nk show last week at TD Banknorth Garden. She got hit by a bike messenger, (my friend, not P!nk) we haggled with a few extras from the Departed to buy tickets and scored floor seats. All in the same night. And we didn’t even end up in formaldehyde jars in the basement of a multi-family in Chelsea. Hustlers.

Hey, you guys selling tickets?

Hey, are you guys selling tickets? Why don’t you come follow me to the ATM…

The first time I heard a P!nk song (Get the Party Started) was 2001. I thought it was the Spice Girls making a comeback. I was disinterested to say the least. After all, I was twenty-two years old, a product of the nineties and way too cool for pop.

Sometime around 2003ish, I saw a documentary on P!nk. I learned that Linda Perry wrote a lot of her music so she couldn’t suck that bad. I fell in love with her story. Since then I have been a fan. After all, What’s Up by the 4 Non Blondes is my go-to karaoke song.

Fast forward twelve years and I feel like I grew up with her. Except she’s wicked fucking rich and I am not a rockstar.

Setlist Redux:

P!nk opened with Raise Your Glass as the tiny gay boy next to me grabbed my arm, screamed in my face and fell on the floor. I helped him up, slapped him and assured him it would be okay.

Me: “Hey look, there’s three jacked guys throwing P!nk around like a rag doll.” He wiped away his tears, adjusted his coconut bra and all was right with the world.

Weird. I had a dream like this once.

Weird. I had a dream like this once.

Up next: Walk of Shame, Just Like a Pill and U + Ur Hand. And the insanity ensued. Angry women started throwing shit and punching the poor few men that were brave enough to attend the show. I loved it.

Try: I watched a grown woman weep and bite a guy in the neck simultaneously. P!nk twirled, hanging from some contraption and rolled around on a male dancer. <—Running theme.

She covered Wicked Game. Vom. I know I’m in the minority here, but I have an irrational disdain for Chris Isaak. I blame my college boyfriend. So I went to the loo and grabbed a beer. And tried not to picture him writhing around on a palm tree. Ouch.

I had my haircut like this once. Except I looked like Billy Idol. And not like hot White Wedding Billy Idol. Like modern day Billy Idol. I guess what I am trying to say is...Rock the Cradle of Love.

I had my haircut like this once. Except I looked like Billy Idol. And not like hot White Wedding Billy Idol. Like modern-day Billy Idol. I guess what I am trying to say is…Rock the Cradle of Love.

My senior picture.

My senior picture.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just Give Me a Reason: I died. I was curious how she was going to work in the male vocals. Especially since I hadn’t been asked to fill-in for Nate Ruess. It was beautiful. The aforementioned little gay guy next to me and I did a duet and then he fell on the floor. Again.

I almost clotheslined the person in front of me because she stood up on her chair. Then I realized that she was an eight-year old and couldn’t see anything. Not my problem, kid.

Trouble: My kids and I belt this out while we dance around in leotards. Oh wait. That’s just me.

We met four people from Ireland who were sitting behind us. One of them dumped an entire beer down my back and one of them punched me in the head while he was doing jumping jacks during Perfect. I didn’t hate it.

Are We All Here and How Come You’re Not Here: We’re here, P!nk. Covered in beer.

Sober: My favorite performance of the night. She and a half-dozen dancers climbed in a black thing and dangled precariously from the black thing while it spun around. That’s what she said.

And then I ran around under her and her spinning orb in case she fell.

And then I ran around under her and her gigantic spinning orb in case she fell.

And then, Big Perm showed up and he and P!nk sang like eight acoustic songs to each other while the other fifteen thousand of us felt awkward. Who Knew.

Seriously. These two back-up singers are all "Fa-la-la what the fuck is happening?♫ "

Seriously. These two back-up singers are all “Fa-la-la what the fuck is happening?♫ “

I’m pretty sure she licked Collective Soul’s face at one point. You heard it here first. They are definitely hitting it.

Perfect, Most Girls/There You Go/You Make Me Sick remix. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting mixed messages.

Slut Like You: Um, Glutes Like You?

I have never seen an ass on a human being like that before. It's otherwordly.

I have never seen an ass on a human being like that before. It’s otherworldly.

Overall, P!nk was a brilliant performer. She nailed every song and managed to play most of her hits. One critical absence for me was Funhouse. But I was blown away by her athleticism, sense of humor and down-to-earthedness. Motherhood suits her. And she has evolved but maintained her individuality. Bad ass.

Encore:

And then this happened…

So What:

Aside from seeing those little prick monkeys on the Wizard of Oz when I was a wee child, I have never wanted to fly so badly in my whole life. I asked my husband to set this contraption up in our backyard so that I could try it and he said I would decapitate myself. So unsupportive. He’s just jealous.

Glitter in the Air: How about glitter in your face because I love you.

I tried this with my husband and kids. It didn't go as planned.

I tried this with my kids. It didn’t go as planned. It was like being waterboarded.

I still have no idea what the Truth About Love is, but I do love me some P!nk. She’s coming back to Boston in December. You should go see her. Just watch out for the bike messengers. They’re unforgiving.

Until then, I’ll be doing squats and walking lunges until I drop.

Blow Me (One Last Kiss)…

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6 Responses to “P!nk can fly. I’ve seen it.”

  1. Molly McCarthy September 4, 2013 at 11:17 pm #

    I think I love you. I KNOW I love Pink.

  2. seperateways September 5, 2013 at 4:48 pm #

    I went to the SAME show! What an awesome recap to find all these months later! Cheers!

  3. Tracy September 5, 2013 at 5:19 pm #

    Going to see her in October, this review made even more excited! I was lauging out loud, crying too.

  4. sophie September 6, 2013 at 4:02 am #

    I love Pink, I wish I could score tickets to go see her in Boston. Something about her music just always reaches me and she is just amazing.

  5. Michelle Orr September 17, 2013 at 11:03 am #

    I am in a band. I hate pink. My band is making me play a link cover this Thursday. “Who knew” and since I am the bass player, and I have to strum 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 for four mins straight at a pace that no one should ever experience, and my writer and fingers hurt after, I really hate pink for it. So I understand why she sings it acoustic here bc here bass player is smart. Her bass player told her NO I AM NOT PLAYING THAT SONG. IT HURTS! God I love her bass player. I’m dumb.

  6. Dontevercallmeasoccermom September 17, 2013 at 11:05 am #

    I am in a band. I hate pink. My band is making me play a pink cover this Thursday. “Who knew” and since I am the bass player, and I have to strum 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 for four mins straight at a pace that no one should ever experience, and my wrist and fingers hurt after, I really hate pink for it. So I understand why she sings it acoustic here bc here bass player is smart. Her bass player told her NO I AM NOT PLAYING THAT SONG. IT HURTS! God I love her bass player. I’m dumb.

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